Dear Clarissa,

I am in a relationship with someone who is 17 yrs younger. We have been dating for 18 months and I love him a lot, we talk about spending our lives together. I just truly got comfortable in the relationship and he was a live in boyfriend up until a month ago then he decided to get some of the things in his life on the right track; college, a good job, he says to help support us. Yesterday, he broke it off, saying I deserve someone better and someone with more money.  He said his family is upset by the age difference and they look down on him for it.

Clarissa says

Dear Down on Him, There is definitely a point where it is no longer cool to be dating an “older chick” and conversely a point where it becomes creepy to be with an older man. Where is that line? That is largely up to the parties involved and pressures from the community. Unfortunately, your boyfriend has determined that the pressure is too great. This is an opportunity for you to evaluate your position in regard to the ideal relationship for you.

You do not state your age but I am guessing he is at minimum 18 which makes you at minimum 35. If you are considering marriage and/or children, it is important to consider what your potential partner will bring to the table. Do you want to be the breadwinner? Will your partner be ready to start a family at the same time that you are? Will you begin to feel resentment toward a partner who does not have the same or a similar level of life experience and maturity when the mundane issues of life must be dealt with? Perhaps you do not desire marriage or children. A person who is significantly younger or older than yourself will likely have significantly different life goals which may blend with yours for a season but likely not for the long term. If dating men in this age range is a pattern for you, I suggest you seek counseling from a licensed professional to determine why you are not able to bond with your peers. If this is an isolated occurrence, I suggest you digest what you have learned and adjust your future dating behavior accordingly.