Dear Clarissa,

I recently asked my husband for a divorce and he immediately agreed. I am hurt and had hoped he would beg me to stay with him. Now he is looking for an apartment and he plans to move out the first of the month. I don’t want him to go, but I have too much pride to ask him to stay, what should I do, he seems fine with leaving.

Signed,

Shocked

Clarissa says

Dear Shocked, First of all, the “D” word should never be thrown about indiscriminately. Given that you cannot stuff the word back into your mouth, let’s consider what has now transpired. Clearly there have been some problems which precipitated your request. Your husband may be responding out of pride or he may be relieved that you have put an escape route on the table. The only way to know is to open a dialogue. First however, consider why you presented such an extreme solution to your marital problems, has this been building for some time? Was your declaration a bid for attention? Did you mistakenly go too far or are you backpeddling as a result of your own pride (you want him because he is willing to let you go)?

Marriage is a serious commitment. Do you agree?

If so, pride has no place in this situation. You must either be resolved to let him go, or apologize and suggest alternate resolutions to the recent tension in your home. A heartfelt discussion between the two of you may be sufficient or you may require assistance either through your church if you have one, or a professional marriage counselor. His response to your overtures will be your guide. Remember, unless you are willing to get burned, don’t play with fire.